𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐖𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐘-𝐅𝐈𝐕𝐄 - the devil with a death wish

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𝐎𝐋𝐈𝐕𝐈𝐀 𝐇𝐀𝐃 𝐅𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐄𝐍 asleep to the angelic sound of the church choir singing. The sound filtered through the floor and filled the room like a lullaby and within minutes after soothing Matthew's pain she had moved back to her own bed and offered the man a small 'goodnight' before she settled down under the thick covers and slowly fell into a comfortable and dreamless sleep.

Unbeknownst to the sleeping wolf who slept silently and unmoving, Matthew had other plans. He had once again fallen into the depths of his unforgiving mind and crept his way through their new and makeshift home gathering an outfit of black and a mask to match before forcing his tired and unhealed body and mind onto the streets of Hell's Kitchen once again.

Oddly enough; it wasn't the chatter nor the singing that finally awoke the wolf, it was the sound of the trains passing underneath her. Back in Beacon Hills, she was used to hearing her uncle and brother chat absolute nonsense throughout the night but she never really heard the rumbling of trains and they had always been something that made her shoot up in the middle of the night ever since her move.

She didn't rise from her sleep with any dignity at all; half of her hair had fallen from her ponytail, her eyes were squinting and laced with tiredness, and she had a face like thunder after being awoken once again. Though her face quickly sobered once her eyes scanned the room; no Matthew Murdock to be found.

With a huff, she threw off her covers and retied her hair. His bed was still made and unslept in and she couldn't hear the man pottering about... perhaps he had joined Sister Maggie?

She quickly replaced her three-day worn joggers with a pair of ripped black jeans and swapped out her oversized jumper for a black turtleneck and quickly shoved on her boots and leather jacket before making her way upstairs.

Lucky for her, she had found Sister Maggie sat on one of the wooden benches in the Nave of the church. There were only three other people, each of them busy with their prayers.

Sister Maggie turned as she heard the clicking of shoes against the floor, only to come face to face with Olivia, who to her surprise, was actually dressed. "Olivia? This is a nice surprise."

Olivia offered a smile as she untucked her hands from her jacket pockets. "You couldn't hide the shock of seeing me dressed even if you tried." She chuckled before her brows furrowed and she lowered her voice to a whisper. "Have you seen Matt?"

The Sister stood as her eyes widened. "He's not down there?"

The wolf shook her head as she looked around the candlelight illuminated church. "No, when I woke up, he was gone."

"Damn it, Matthew." Sister cursed as she bit her nail. "He probably thinks he's ready to..."

"Resume his nightly activities... shit," Olivia swore. She knew the man could fight, hell, everyone who knew daredevil knew he could fight. But in his current state; covered in bruises, cuts, and unhealed wounds? There was no way he was getting out of a fight on his own. "I need to go."

The nun nodded, worry clouding her vision as her mind flashed with awful scenes of the man being found hurt, or dead. The Sister swallowed as her eyes made contact with the wolf's, "Be careful, cover your face."

Olivia nodded and turned on her heel, she ran her way back to the laundry room they had been occupying and found an old, black shirt. With no effort, she tore the shirt and used some of the fabric to cover her face, leaving only her eyes for people to see.

With her face now unrecognizable, she made her way out of the church, ready to find the devil with a death wish.

⋆⋆⋆

The wolf tossed herself over a building, landing with a thud and shivering at the burning sensation within her legs; she hadn't been out like this in over a month and a half now and she had to admit it, she missed the adrenaline.

She missed using her strength to jump on top of buildings, she missed using her stamina and speed to race across the city in the middle of the night, the only illumination to light her path coming from the flickering and buzzing street lamps.

After about five minutes of sprinting as fast as she could, she slowed and held her breath; using her enhanced hearing to seek Matthew out.

The city was loud even when the moon was out; drunks stumbled to and from bars, girls giggled between one another, catcalls echoed annoyingly through the air, and eventually she heard Matt's low and threatening tone before sprinting in his direction without hesitation.

It didn't take long to find the vigilante, she ran through a few alleys, pulled herself up a building and jumped a rooftop or two before finally catching sight of the man dressed in black on his way to protect a family of three.

He jumped into the back of a van and she could hear the sound of his fist connecting with his victim's faces. Now, Olivia could have intervened there and then; but the man wanted to prove to himself that he could still fight, that he could still protect his city.

Olivia understood him completely. And so, rather than jump off of the top of the building's edge she was perched on, she stayed still and listened closely. If the man needed her assistance she would jump in and help without a second thought.

Matt seemed to genuinely have the upper hand; he kicked one of the men he'd been fighting out the back of the van and onto the damp ground. He slowly made his own way around the side of the vehicle and pulled one of the men away from the family.

The one who had been thrown out of the van was back on his feet and Matt was facing off against the pair of them. The fight continued and Matt was steadily holding his own until one man caught him off guard and landed a strong punch to the side of his head.

Disoriented, he fell down and the two men wasted no time in continuing the assault on his face. Matthew was thrown to the ground and the men began to kick his face, blood spewing everywhere and that was when Olivia jumped down from the edge she was perched on.

Her feet paused as the men kicking Matt stopped and began to slowly walk away, muttering between themselves.

What shocked Olivia more than the men choosing to walk away was what Matt did next; he reached to his side and grasped a metal pole; the clinking of the metal drew the men's attention back to the vigilante as he pushed himself to a kneeling position.

Matthew was grasping at his abdomen -clearly the assault had undone his stitches- as he held the cold metal pole out towards the men before throwing it.

One of them caught it, staring at it in confusion.

"God forgive me." Matthew panted, his head facing the dark night sky as blood dribbled down his neck.

Olivia swallowed harshly, her jaw becoming tense as she realized what he was doing. He wanted them to kill him,

He wanted to die.

And for once, Olivia chose to be selfish. She had always thrown her life in the line of fire for people, always willing to take the hits if it meant others wouldn't be hurt. She didn't want Matt to die, and no matter if he decided to kick and yell, no matter if he threw her aside and told her to leave; she wasn't letting him die.

For the first time in over six weeks she let her wolf side come out, and thank God it wasn't a full moon, she didn't know if she'd be able to control herself. A low and deep growl rumbled from the back of her throat, accompanied by the sound of her slow footsteps as she made her way out of the darkness and into the light of the streetlamps.

Three heads snapped her way. One of them ducked; be it in guilt, shame, or disappointment, she didn't know but she also didn't care. The other two had looks of fear written as plain as day on their barely illuminated faces as they stared into her glowing cobalt eyes.

She narrowed her eyes as she stepped ever closer to the three. "Go." She ordered the two opposing Matt in a deep and threatening tone she didn't know she had ever possessed.

The pole clattered to the ground and rolled forward until it connected with Matt's knees and the men wasted no time in scurrying away.

"Olivia-"

"Don't." Was all she said as she cut him off and bent down to pick up the pole that rested on the floor. She clutched it in her right hand, all of her anger converted to strength as she crushed the center of it in her single palm before launching it to the side; it lodged itself into a brick wall, small pieces of debris falling to the ground before settling the two into silence.

Well, her heavy breathing could be heard and she could hear her heart pounding in her chest as the anger and adrenaline-fueled her emotions.

"Get up." She whispered angrily as she walked past the man whose head was still pointed towards the ground.

Matt sighed to himself and slowly pulled himself off of the ground with a groan of pain. He followed behind the woman in silence, wincing with every heavy footstep she took, dreading the confrontation they were going to have the second they reached the church.

⋆⋆⋆

Olivia had taken it upon herself to walk back to the church, she could hear Matthew trudging along, clutching at his wounds as he followed the path she made for him. The pair didn't speak a word and Olivia knew if she opened her mouth, she'd wake up the entirety of Hell's Kitchen.

When they finally arrived back at the church, the sun was rising, the streets were no longer dark and the wolf could hear people milling about inside of their homes as they got ready for work, school or any other obligations they had.

Olivia made her way down the steps and could not only hear Matt's steps behind her, but also Sister Maggie's.

Matt sighed to himself as he heard the Sister catch up to them, he knew he was about to receive absolute hell from the women.

Olivia paced as she listened to the nun question Matt about his escapades.

"Where did you go last night?" The Sister questioned Matt as she gripped his face that was free of his mask, assessing the new and fresh wounds that littered his face. When he didn't reply she forced his face towards her. "Hey. Don't pull that crap on me. What happened."

"Go away."

"We have put way too much work on you to quit now."

Olivia huffed and shook her head as she led the pair towards their beds, aware of Sister Maggie's eyes boring into her back.

The wolf sat on the edge of her bed and peeled off her jacket, tossing it onto the shelf on the far side of the room as she took a moment to reign in her anger; Matt deserved her shouts, but the Sister didn't.

She listened as the nun scolded the man for going out before he had allowed his body to fully recuperate. "Give yourself time to heal, or you're gonna get yourself killed."

"You're probably right."

Olivia scoffed as she leaned back on her hands. "But that's what you wanted, right Matt?"

She could hear the Sister inhale sharply before letting out a scoff of her own at the silent vigilante in front of her, "I have a special gift of my own, Matthew. I'm impervious to bad attitude. So you can throw your self-pitying bullshit at me all day, Murdock, and I'll still be standing right here." Her gaze turned towards the direction of the 'bedroom', "And I can only assume the pissed-off wolf that saved you, again, will be here too."

Olivia ducked her head as she thought back to when she had seen Matt, down on his knees and begging God to forgive him for wanting to die. The sight... that feeling is something she had felt before herself, she had experienced loss and suffering so strongly that she had wanted to throw everything away. But she was still there, still alive despite the lives she had taken and despite the fights she had been through, she was alive and she sure as hell wasn't letting Matt take the easy way out either.

They had fought side by side, saved an entire city side by side. She wasn't about to let her lucky charm out of her sight.

"Why did you become a nun?" Matt asked the woman in front of him.

Olivia couldn't help but tune the conversation out, she knew whatever the Sister had to say about her calling in life wouldn't get through to the man, he was almost as stubborn as the wolf herself. The only thing that could get Olivia out of her own pit of despair was her family, and Matt was adamant about pushing away his only family; Foggy and Karen. So, it fell to her. She had the privilege and somewhat pain in the ass job of helping to keep the man afloat, hold his hand if you will, until he could do it himself.

And yes, you heard her right, she did mean privilege. As much as she could see herself wringing the man's neck every now and then, she couldn't deny the care she felt for Matt. She also couldn't deny the fact that she enjoyed being around him, even if he was being a brooding asshole.

"-Well, you've heard what I had to say, Matthew. Now, I don't know which of you to say good luck to." Olivia tuned back into their conversation as Maggie sighed. "But, if Olivia's face was anything to go by, I should say good luck to you, Matt." The woman leaned closer to the vigilante, her voice a whisper even though Olivia could hear her as clear as day. "Try not to piss her off even more."

Matt nodded his head as he listened to the woman take her leave. He took a moment to suck in a breath before standing, making his way over to their sleeping area. He could feel the woman's eyes on him as he took a seat on the edge of his bed, his knees knocking hers as he sat. Matthew cleared his throat, "Alright, let me have it."

For some reason, just those five little words made the dwindling anger inside of her spark and erupt back into an engulfing flame. "Seriously, Matt?" Voice was low and harsh as she spat her words.

"You don't understand-"

"I understand perfectly!" She yelled as she stood, heavy footsteps taking her towards the foot of her bed, giving her room to pace as her rant slowly rose up her throat. "Matt, I've been there, okay? I've fallen into whatever the hell it is you're feeling right now!"

Matt scoffed as he shook his head at the women's words. "Oh, have you?"

"Thinking you're worth nothing? Thinking that all you do is hurt people? That the world would be so much better off without you? Yeah, I have."

Matt froze upon hearing those words and his head turned towards her.

"What? You don't believe me? You don't think that the big bad wolf could ever understand how a little catholic boy feels?" Her eyes began to flood with tears and with a frustrated grunt she wiped her hands across her face. "I've hurt so many people, people have died because of me; it follows me wherever I go and I wanted it to end. But it didn't."

She let out a breath and Matt could hear just how shaky it was before she finally went back to her seat on the bed. "That's why I saved you. I care about you, but I'm selfish too, I won't-" Her voice broke and she quickly tried to cover it up with a cough, "I can't keep letting people around me die."

Her voice fell to something barely above a broken whisper, "I just can't."

⋆⋆⋆

After the argument the two vigilantes had, Olivia had excused herself and made her way upstairs, deciding that the two needed a moment to recollect their thoughts before either of them said something to set the other off. Though, it would most like have been Matthew setting the wolf off on another tangent.

She made her way up the stairs and slowly walked her way towards the nave of the church in hopes that it would be empty and she could sit and complain to herself for a minute or thirty.

As always, the nave was not empty; Sister Maggie sat close to the front and one other person sat towards the back. With a shrug to herself, Olivia made her way towards Sister Maggie.

The nun looked up at the sound of soft footsteps and upon seeing Olivia, she moved over, allowing the woman to join her. "I heard shouting."

Olivia cleared her throat as she turned to the woman, a sheepish and tight smile tugging at her defined lips. "Well, we're both as stubborn as they come."

"I believe you. I know he's bitter right now, and the self-pity isn't pretty, but he's a good man."

Olivia leaned back against the wooden seat. "I know." She spoke softly, a sigh escaping her. "That's why I'm still here. That's why I keep trying to save him."

A knowing smile erupted on the nun's lips as she clasped her hands together in her lap. "That's why you care about him?"

"Yeah." Olivia breathed. "I- I get where he's coming from, I do. That's why it's so hard to watch; someone going through something you've been through and yet you still have no idea how to help them."

Sister Maggie stood and faced Olivia who watched with furrowed brows, and a lost look on her face; one almost identical to the one Matthew so often wore. "Come with me."

Olivia didn't bother to argue or question the nun, instead, she simply stood and followed after her. She was led through a hall or two before the Sister opened a door to a small office, shutting the door quietly once they were both inside.

The room had two small, glass-stained windows on the wall opposite the door and a desk sat just in front. Books and papers were neatly stacked up on the desk and there was an array of pens held in a mesh pencil holder.

There was an office chair behind the desk and two simple ones situated in front; one with a blanket handing over the back.

Rather than settling for the chair behind the desk, the nun took the chair to the left and gestured for the wolf to take the one on the right.

There was a kind smile on the nun's wise face, "I hope you know that my ears aren't here just for Matthew, they're for you too, should you ever need someone to talk to."

Olivia opened her mouth and yet she spoke no words, not being able to find the right ones.

Sister Maggie exhaled a small breath. "You don't have to tell me anything, Olivia. But you can. And I will always give my honest opinion."

Olivia swallowed. Her mind was still processing the conversation she had with Matt; how she brought up feelings from her past, feelings she had buried but had come back to light. The wolf leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees as she clasped her hands together, her forehead settling on them.

"I just- I've lost so many people, watched so many people die. I don't think I can do it again. If Matt-" She cleared her throat to rid it of the tightness that had formed. "There was a fire when I was fifteen; it took my mother, my father, one of my brothers, one of my uncles, my aunt and my cousins, and those were just the werewolves. There were more, there were humans too."

Her eyes filled with tears and she squeezed her eyes shut, digging her forehead into her clasped hands further. "Six years later, my sister gets killed. Another three years and my little sister who we thought was already dead, shows up but dies anyway because I wasn't strong enough to save her." She sucked in a harsh breath as the tears began to fall onto her lap. "Six months later and more people die, teenagers. One of them I could've saved, but I was too late."

"People die around me, Sister because I can't save them." She finally rose her head and allowed the nun to see the heartbreak that filled her eyes.

The Sister shook her head as she covered the wolf's hands with her own. "But that's not the whole story, is it? I'm sure there are so many details you're keeping to yourself and so many people that did live, just because of you and those are the ones you need to think about."

"It's not that easy," Olivia whispered. She knew the Sister was right; there were a lot of details that she had left out, some good... and some that were completely monstrous. She had saved lives, the nun was right, but no matter how many people she saved, it would never wash away the red that stained her palms. All she could hope to do was ignore it, and focus on others.

After the emotional conversation she had with the Sister, Olivia needed to pass out; she trudged her way through the halls and down the stairs. When she reached the 'bedroom', Matt was actually asleep and not out running around in the dark and trying to get himself killed.

She might have been pissed at the man but she valued sleep and so she crept across the room, removed her shoes, not bothering to change her clothes - she really was turning into Jessica, huh? - and slipped under her covers, falling asleep to thoughts of her family.

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15-08-2020